Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) said this week that the explosive testimony of a former top U.S. border official showed that if Vice President Kamala Harris wins the election this fall, more terrorists will sneak through the southern border.

Cruz made the remarks during his “Verdict” podcast with host co-host Ben Ferguson while discussing retired San Diego Border Patrol Chief Patrol Agent Aaron Heitke’s testimony to the Homeland Security Committee.

“In San Diego, we had an exponential increase in significant interest aliens,” Heitke said. “These are aliens with significant ties to terrorism. Prior to this administration, the San Diego sector averaged 10 to 15 SIA arrests per year. Once word was out the border was far easier to cross, San Diego went to over 100 SIAs in 2022, well over that in 2023, and even more than that registered this year. These are only the ones we caught.”

“At the time, I was told I could not release any information on this increase in SIAs or mention any of the arrests,” he continued. “The [Biden-Harris] administration was trying to convince the public there was no threat at the border.”

Cruz called the surge in illegal alien terrorist suspects crossing the border “massive.”

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“This is what Joe Biden and Kamala Harris have done, and you look at each of the facts, you look at suspected terrorists,” Cruz said. “And this is just in one sector, in the San Diego sector, that it went from about 10 to over 100 a year. That is massive. That is massive. That means hundreds and hundreds of suspected terrorists coming in just one sector, and those are the ones they caught. It doesn’t count the ones they didn’t catch. He wasn’t allowed to say that publicly.”

Cruz said that with Democrats, “it’s all politics all the time.”

“Look, I get why the Biden White House didn’t want people to know it, but we now have this testimony in the House of Representatives,” he said. “How is it that it’s not on the front page of the Houston Chronicle tomorrow?”

“If the press is not going to do its job, use your voice, because the only way to stop this, if Kamala Harris is president in January, God help us, this will continue. More terrorists will enter the country,” he added. “If Kamala Harris is president, more terror, more murders, more rapists, more child molesters, more Americans will die if Kamala Harris is president.”

WATCH:

The Biden-Harris border crisis is even worse than you think. A Border Patrol whistleblower’s testimony uncovered shocking new evidence.

If Kamala Harris is elected president, even more Americans will die from the border crisis.https://t.co/nHF8D2pkes pic.twitter.com/9W4POoUsB9

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) September 20, 2024

There was so much news this week, I feel I should begin by just giving you the headlines as reported by the elite news media.

This week’s top story comes from the New York Times, a former newspaper, with the headline: “Donald Trump Nearly Gets Himself Assassinated Again.”

“Donald Trump’s rhetoric continued to inflame violence as an alleged gunman was alleged to have allegedly tried to allegedly assassinate this fascist threat to Democracy for the alleged second time in eight alleged weeks. Experts on political violence agree that, for his own safety, Trump must be exterminated before his rhetoric gets him killed.

“Acting head of the Secret Service Ronald Rowe Jr. admitted his agents erred in not scouting out the alleged spot on the alleged golf course where the alleged gunman allegedly waited for twelve alleged hours with an alleged AK-47, but Rowe said the spot was often used by paparazzi because of its excellent line of sight on Trump, and the service’s commitment to freedom of the press made them reluctant to disturb anyone with a long distance scope who might just be a photographer with an AK-47. Rowe, who was made acting head of the service after he arranged security for Trump at Butler, Pennsylvania, has now been promoted to Lord High Master of all Safety for Republican Candidates Everywhere.”

In another top story, the Washington Post presented an analysis of Hezbollah’s exploding pagers headlined, “Has the Jewish Sense of Humor Gone Too Far?”

“Across Lebanon this week, Hezbollah terrorist leaders were heard to say, ‘I’ve got to go. My pager is blowing up.’ Then they did, and they did. American Middle East experts have become concerned that if Israel continues to recklessly kill Iranian proxy terrorists, there’ll be no one left to chant “Death to America” except the Democrat Party. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu attempted to deny his country’s involvement in the incident, but could only gasp out the word, “pagers,” over and over again while giggling helplessly.

“Searching for a silver lining to having their terrorists’ pagers explode while hooked to the front of their belts, Hezbollah has announced that the survivors of the attack will be forming the new falsetto section of the Iranian Formerly Boys Choir. Those who did not survive will spend eternity surrounded by 72 virgins while having no testicles, also known as going to hell.”

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Yet another story from CNN online is headlined, “What Diddy Did or Did He?”

“Rapper Diddy was arrested this week after a white FBI agent googled ‘running a train,’ and found out it was synonymous with gang rape. Diddy did say he didn’t but was imprisoned without bail after the judge heard Diddy did a rap song, saying, “We date em like we hate em, treat em like we beat em, turn a freak to a bisexual and if she’s flexible, have her screw the player next to you,’ which turned out to be exactly what he was charged with in the indictment.

Now, even on a busy week like this, the elite media did not spend all its time covering hard news. For instance, on NBC’s Today Show, anchorwoman Savannah Guthrie used her cooking segment to strike back against anti-migrant sentiment by offering an excellent Haitian recipe for house cats garnished with the stolen souls of your enemies. Miss Guthrie said, “The federal government has found absolutely no cat eating among the 20-thousand Haitian migrants dumped on the 60-thousand people of Springfield, Ohio, by the federal government — but just in case, here’s a tasty Haitian treat that will help you do the voodoo they do-do so well.”

Am I Racist? Is In Theaters NOW — Get Your Tickets Here!

ABC’s Good Morning America ran a segment called “Colorful Customs from Around the Globe,” in which George Stephanopoulos interviewed a Haitian migrant from Springfield on how to silence inconvenient witnesses. After George shared his techniques, the migrant demonstrated how to stick pins in a doll. Though some viewers protested the doll looked suspiciously like Donald Trump, Stephanopoulos explained the doll was simply meant to represent all political evil-doers. The migrant then stuck pins in the doll and Stephanopoulos ran out of the studio screaming in agony.

So those are this week’s headlines from the elite media.

* * *

This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.”

Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fourth installment, “A WOMAN UNDERGROUND,” is now available for PRE-ORDER. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan

The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.