Micro-aggressions will soon be everywhere across America. No, we’re not talking about the make-believe insults that Leftists contrive on a daily basis — we’re talking about the latest offering from Jeremy’s Chocolates. 

Daily Wire god-king and co-CEO Jeremy Boreing believes that every free American should have the right to hand out chocolate. That’s why he announced on Friday that you can now get the delicious Jeremy’s HeHim & SheHer chocolate bars in micro-aggression size. Pre-order Jeremy’s chocolate right now, conveniently available for Halloween.

A college professor got suspended for handing out my delicious chocolate, so I’m making sure everyone can hand it out!

Pre-order your Jeremy’s Chocolate in our new micro-aggression size, and give it to every kid you know this Halloween.https://t.co/Ao0tFvGy82 pic.twitter.com/FSI8joXav6

— Jeremy Boreing (@JeremyDBoreing) May 12, 2023

We’ve always known that HeHim Jeremy’s Chocolate comes with nuts, and SheHer Jeremy’s Chocolate comes nutless, but did you also know that a chocolate bar is a chocolate bar no matter how small? 

You probably did, but we’re not so sure the Left sees it that way. Sometimes (more like oftentimes) Leftists refuse to acknowledge certain facts and believe the best course of action when it comes to topics they don’t like is to censor and punish those who exercise free speech. 

For example, did you know that a California professor is now under investigation by his woke college for sharing Jeremy’s Chocolate bars at a campus event last month? 

Yep, that’s right. 

Employees at Madera Community College near Fresno were apparently incensed that David Richardson, a tenured, 33-year history professor handed out the Jeremy’s Chocolate bars at event last month because it reinforces the long-scientifically accepted principle that gender is binary. Richardson supposedly wasn’t supposed to hand out the bars because it was a micro-aggression. 

Well, Jeremy  — the benevolent media mogul-turned-razor supplier-turned-candy maker he is — wants all of his fellow Americans to be able to hand out micro-aggressions whenever and wherever they please. 

The bags of Micro-Aggression size Jeremy’s chocolate will come with 22 pieces of either HeHim or SheHer chocolates. Pre-orderer them now to get in time for Halloween — it will be the scariest thing the libs in your neighborhood see all year. 

Two pro fishermen who admitted to stuffing their catches with lead were sentenced to 10-day jail stints Thursday.

Chase Cominsky and Jacob Runyan, both Pennsylvania residents, appeared in a Cleveland, Ohio, court where they were handed down their jail sentences and also told that they would be forced to forfeit their $130,000 boat, Fox 8 reported. Cominsky and Runyan pleaded guilty in March to a felony charge of cheating and a misdemeanor for unlawful ownership of wild animals. 

“I just wanna apologize to everyone,” 36-year-old Cominsky said Thursday. “It’s a bad situation and it’s something I wish I could say it didn’t happen.”

Runyan, 43, said the cheating incident was “the most ignorant decision I’ve ever made in my life” in his apology to the court. 

Last fall, Chase Cominsky and Jake Runyan were declared winners at the weigh-in at the Lake Erie Walleye Trail Championship (LEWT) in Cleveland. But their opponents immediately discovered something extra fishy about the supposed winning catches. Video of the incident showed someone cutting open the fish and pulling out what appeared to be lead weights and the filets of another fish that the men had stuffed down the throats of their catches to make them heavier.

“You got thousands of f***ing dollars you stole from everyone!” someone on video accuses the pro fishermen after the discovery. 

Cominsky and Runyan were set to win more than $28,000 in various prize pools when they were caught cheating. 

After serving 10 days in jail, the cheating fishermen will spend a year and a half on probation and pay a $2,500 fine each. Cominsky and Runyan have the option of cutting their fines in half if they donate to a nonprofit organization that promotes fishing with children. Both Cominsky and Runyan’s fishing licenses will be suspended for three years. 

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The pair had been accused of cheating in previous tournaments, and according to court documents, were investigated in the spring of 2022 for cheating in a separate walleye tournament, but there was not enough evidence to press them with charges. In 2021, Cominsky and Runyan reeled in the top catch for the Lake Erie Fall Brawl, which would have won them $100,000, but they were disqualified. 

“They’re forever gonna be branded with the labels of cheaters and thieves,” said Assistant County Prosecutor Andrew Rogalski. “After today, they’ll be convicted felons. And nobody should feel bad for them, because they deserve this and they earned this.”