A lot has shifted over the last few decades, marriage being one of the bigger shifts. In this day and age, marriage has become quite fickle. Maybe this is due to social media or just the sheer fact of how flippantly people change their minds, but when it comes to marriage, they’re changing them left and right. Marriage used to represent a union that meant forever, whereas now marriage has become a trend. I think for some people, it only means pretty pictures in a white dress on Instagram and Facebook with subsequent posts of a “my forever date” caption. Then, when they have to actually look at the foundation of their relationship, they decide they just don’t want to deal with it.

This was unfortunately confirmed when I came across a post not too long ago on Mumsnet, which is much like a British Reddit for moms. (It’s actually a really great resource. I’m pregnant right now, and I’ll ask specific questions about pregnancy and parenting on there.) In this particular post, a woman wrote about her “aha moment” when she knew her marriage was over and led to her divorce. The subject of the post read, “What was your ‘this is over’ moment in your marriage,” so I perused through it. This woman wanted to hear other people talk about the moments they realized their marriage was over.

According to her post, she did not want to paint her husband in a bad light. But she goes on saying, “However, I can’t stop thinking about something he said to me, and at that moment, I knew it was it, that I wanted more.” She had a meeting at work one morning but was 20 minutes late. Her work accidentally called her husband (her emergency contact), meaning to call her. They explained the mistake in calling him, she got to work, and everyone went about their day. But when she got home, she asked why he didn’t contact her to make sure she was alright. After some back and forth, he said he knew the police would have called him if she’d been in an accident. That was her eureka moment because, according to her, “he did not care, not one little bit.”

Reading this, I could not believe this was grounds for divorce for her. The first thing I thought about was the poor employee who accidentally called her husband. Then, her husband answered, said no problem on the mix-up call, and no one thought anything of it. But she somehow twisted this in her head to ask, “What if I had been in an accident?” She was basically implying: What if I was dead? Why weren’t you hysterical? Shouldn’t you be? This woman was 20 minutes late — not two hours late. There was no reason to be that concerned. It makes sense someone from work would call when, as the post states, the person she was meeting with was waiting for her to arrive. It makes entirely no sense she would be upset with her husband for not making up some ludicrous scenario in his mind that she’s been in a terrible accident.

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She was so upset with him that she was willing to divorce him. This is stunning. The fact that she shared this says she thought we would all just understand. She expected we would understand why she knew right then and there that he did not care one little bit. And she knew she wanted “more”? What is the “more” she wanted? Drama? This passage starts by acknowledging him as “a good man, hardworking, loyal.” So outside this incident — the incident in which he forgot to pretend she had been in a car accident and hysterically ring a false alarm — he was a good man. She allowed this little seed to fester and grow into a full-blown scenario she couldn’t get over.

So she divorced a good, hardworking, loyal man. I would say she will absolutely regret this divorce because if she thinks she is going to find a man who is so upstanding he will know how to react to the figments of her imagination, she’s out of her mind. In fact, if she finds a man who will be that over the top in a similar situation, she will think he’s too theatrical and doesn’t know how to relax: She can’t even run 20 minutes late without him calling the police? Who would want to be married to that drama?

We continue to see examples like this in the media, on television, and in shows about relationships where people have the wrong idea of what it means to be married. Part of the reason that’s the case is because it’s too easy to get divorced. People don’t want to work through anything. They don’t even want to work through a 20-minute delay getting to work. So, they just leave in search of the perfect partner. But there is no such thing as a perfect partner who is not going to make any mistakes so your life is absolutely perfect.

We must stop being so fickle. We must learn how to focus. Too many people have relationship ADHD, and that has to change. We must get serious and recognize this is the reason there are so many ills in our society.

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Video footage points to downed utility lines as the spark to some of the devastating wildfires that have killed over 100 people on Maui. 

Footage captured by a security camera at the Maui Bird Conservation Center last Monday showed the moment a power line sparked a blaze in the woods. The video, posted on Instagram by the Hawaii Department of Land Natural Resources and first reported by The Washington Post, shows a bright flash in the woods before the camera’s power cuts off. When the camera comes back online, large flames appear in the distance. 

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“The power goes out, our generator kicks in, the camera comes back online, and then the forest is on fire,” said Jennifer Pribble, a senior research coordinator at the bird conservation center. 

The conservation center where the footage was taken from is in the small rural town of Makawao, just over 30 miles from where a massive fire turned much of the historic city of Lahaina to ash. The Makawao fire was the first of multiple fires reported on the island last week. Prior to the fires, Maui faced strong winds from a hurricane hundreds of miles offshore. While the Makawao blaze didn’t reach Lahaina, it was one of the many fires sparked on the island last Monday and Tuesday that eventually reached the town of 13,000. 

Whisker Labs, which monitors electric grids across the U.S., said that 10 sensors in Makawao recorded a significant incident in Hawaii’s electric grid at the exact moment the video footage captured the bright light from the utility line, the Post reported. The bright flash seen in the video was likely an “arc flash,” which happens when a power line “faults,” according to a Whisker Labs official. 

“This is strong confirmation — based on real data — that utility grid faults were likely the ignition source for multiple wildfires on Maui,” Bob Marshall, the founder and CEO of Whisker Labs, told the Post. 

A spokesman for Hawaiian Electric declined to comment on the video and sensor data, instead focusing on “supporting emergency response efforts, restoring power for our customers and communities, and developing a long-term recovery plan.” 

“We know there is speculation about what started the fires, and we, along with others, are working hard to figure out what happened,” spokesman Darren Pai added. 

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Another video filmed by Lahaina resident Shane Treu, shows him fighting a fire that was sparked by a downed power pole that quickly spread along the side of a road. 

“I heard ‘buzz, buzz,’” Treu told the Associated Press. “It was almost like somebody lit a firework. It just ran straight up the hill to a bigger pile of grass and then, with that high wind, that fire was blazing.”

Hawaiian Electric has faced criticism for not cutting off power as the island faced a wind storm, a policy practiced by utility companies in other states to avoid sparking fires. A class-action lawsuit has already been filed against the company alleging it is responsible for the deaths of more than 100 people, according to the Associated Press.  

“It may turn out that there are other causes of this fire, and the utility lines are not the main cause,” said Michael Wara, a wildfire expert and director of the Climate and Energy Policy Program at Stanford University. “But if they are, boy, this didn’t need to happen.”