White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said Friday that a Florida judge’s decision halting an emergency mass parole program at the U.S. southern border was “sabotage.”

Judge Thomas Wetherell of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Florida ruled on Thursday that the U.S. Border Patrol does not have the authority to release illegal immigrants from custody without giving them a date with an immigration court and setting up a means of tracking them.

“Look, the way we see that, it’s sabotage, pure and simple. That’s how that reads to us. The claims that CBP is allowing or encouraging mass release of migrants is just categorically false,” Jean-Pierre said during a press conference.

.@JacquiHeinrich: "On ruling in Florida last night against these releases…What's the back-up plan now?"

KJP: "So, let me just say on the ruling…Look, the way we see that–it's sabotage, pure and simple…The claims…CBP is allowing…mass release…is…categorically false" pic.twitter.com/O2gBKOuXMa

— Curtis Houck (@CurtisHouck) May 12, 2023

The legal challenge, filed by Florida Attorney General Ashley Moody, stemmed from a Wednesday letter from Border Patrol Chief Raul Ortiz. Ortiz authorized his agents to “parole” migrants to ease severe overcrowding that has swamped regions along the U.S. southern border this week.

Ortiz set out parameters that, if met in a certain region, allow Border Patrol officers to begin expedited releases of mass amounts of migrants, a program that Texas Governor Greg Abbott condemned as “mass catch and release.”

The Department of Homeland Security argued that the program was necessary to stave off “catastrophic” overcrowding at Border Patrol facilities, estimating that without the fast track parole program, government processing and detainment centers along the southern border would be crowded with up to 45,000 migrants by the end of the month.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE DAILY WIRE APP

“Putting aside the fact that even President Biden recently acknowledged that the border has been in chaos for ‘a number of years,’ Defendants’ doomsday rhetoric rings hollow,” wrote Wetherell, an appointee of former President Donald Trump. “[T]his problem is largely one of Defendants’ own making through the adoption an implementation of policies that have encouraged the so-called ‘irregular migration’ that has become fairly regular over the past 2 years.”

Without the parole policy, migrants entering the country illegally will be processed under traditional Title 8 immigration and asylum rules. They will be assigned a date in an immigration court — which, because of a severe backlog in immigration cases, can be several years out — to process their asylum claims.

Wetherell’s court order has frozen Ortiz’s memo until at least an injunction hearing scheduled for May 19. It builds on a prior legal challenge Moody filed against a similar immigration policy enacted by the Biden administration in 2021 that set up parole and “alternatives to detention” routes for processing illegal migrants. The judge ruled that policy unconstitutional in March.

The judge said he “fails to see a material difference” between the two policies. “In both instances, aliens are being released into the country on an expedited basis without being placed in removal proceedings and with little to no vetting and no monitoring,” he wrote.

The following is the opening satirical monologue from “The Andrew Klavan Show.”

The Washington Post, where Democracy dies in darkness after they drive an ice pick into the back of its neck and toss it into the darkness and leave it there to die, has issued a devastating new poll showing President Biden’s approval ratings have fallen to a level that would truly upset him if he were still capable of understanding what a poll is and what numbers are.

The poll shows Biden’s approval ratings are now at a mere 36 percent. What’s more, twelve percent of those who approve of Biden are low information voters like journalists and college professors, while 8 percent of them are homeless people who receive their opinions from the demon Azuzu speaking through the fillings in their teeth. Five percent of the Biden supporters were just pranking the pollsters by pretending they knew who Joe Biden is, and the remaining four percent were former Whitney Houston backup singers who now hang out all day on Main and Third in Cincinnati chanting “somebody, somebody, somebody who loves me,” over and over again, hoping a passerby will put money in their hat so they can afford to get back to New Jersey and vote for Joe Biden.

Seventy-two percent of the people polled thought Biden was too old to be president. Twenty-three percent said no, he was just lying face down in his own drool to get his opponents to underestimate him. And five percent believed the president had passed away last Thursday which made him the politician least likely to ruin the country.

Sixty-three percent of those polled said they would prefer to vote for Donald Trump over Biden. Seventeen percent said they preferred Trump to Biden because Trump could almost speak in complete sentences. Twenty-two percent said Trump was better than Biden because Trump was a reckless bloviating boor who would drive the United States government into a ditch where it would be reduced to flaming rubble, so that was a plus. And sixteen percent said they would vote for Trump because he had assaulted that woman in Bergdorf Goodman after she had written for Saturday Night Live so that left only 247 unfunny writers left unpunished.

Twenty-nine percent of those polled who wanted neither Biden nor Trump said they would vote for Nikki Haley because at least she didn’t believe in anything. Fourteen percent said they would vote for RFK Junior because that dude was crazy and if you dropped acid and then played his speeches backwards they would predict who was going to win the next season of Bachelorette. And eleven percent said they would vote for Vivek Ramaswamy because his name was funny and made him sound like a snake charmer and that would be really cool especially if he used a live cobra and then explained how he would reform the Fed while the cobra just wavered in front of him pretending to listen and then suddenly bit him on the face which would be hilarious especially if you were still stoned from listening to RFK.

In other poll results, 92 percent said the country was headed in the wrong direction unless you enjoyed watching that video where the race car careens into the wall and then bursts into flames, in which case the country was right on course. Breaking that result into various groups, fourteen percent of black people said they thought the country was headed in the right direction, but they couldn’t be sure because they were pinned down in a crossfire behind a 1978 Dodge Dart. Eighty-two percent of Hispanics said the country was headed in the right direction compared to the country they had just come from. And 52 percent of white people said they were heading in the right direction, namely the direction of Switzerland.

Twenty-seven percent of those polled said the worst problem the country faced was runaway inflation because it meant they couldn’t buy as many lottery tickets with their food stamps which gave them a lower chance of winning a loaf of bread. Eighteen percent said the worst problem facing the country was that Don Lemon had been fired and now there was no one left to scream at but their children. And three percent said the worst problem facing the country was that when their phone rang they thought it was their ex saying she wanted to have breakup sex again but instead it turned out to be some jerkwad asking stupid questions about Joe Biden.

In terms of methodology, the Washington Post said pollsters had developed a system of weighted averages to establish the proper number of Democrats, Republicans and Independents, and then told their boss they had called those people when really they were just making stuff up because they worked for the Washington Post.

Andrew Klavan is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. A popular political satirist and Hollywood screenwriter, Klavan is also an award-winning novelist. His newest novel is A Strange Habit of Mind, book two in the Cameron Winter Mystery series.

The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.