Governor Tim Walz (D-MN) made his debut as Vice President Kamala Harris‘ running mate with an attempted roast of their Republican opponents, former President Donald Trump and Ohio Senator JD Vance — and while he got some laughs from the Philadelphia audience, he joined Harris in delivering very little substance.

Governor Josh Shapiro (D-PA) introduced Harris in a wild rant that immediately drew comparisons to the scream that is credited with killing former Governor Howard Dean’s (D-VT) 2004 presidential run.

Josh Shapiro goes FULL Howard Dean. pic.twitter.com/qKm7M2LhGD

— Curtis Houck (@CurtisHouck) August 6, 2024

Harris introduced Walz with a joke, laughing at herself as she claimed that pitting the Minnesota liberal against someone like Vance was like playing the varsity against the JV team.

VP: Tim Walz will be ready on day one. When you compare his resume to Trump’s running mate… some might say it’s like a matchup between the Varsity team and the JV squad pic.twitter.com/rIC4B1JHQn

— Acyn (@Acyn) August 6, 2024

When Walz took over, he tried to keep the jokes flowing, but managed to trip over his own record — and an admitted lie about JD Vance — in the process.

First, Walz claimed that violent crime had been up under Trump and added a jab at the continuing court cases against the former president: “And that’s not even counting the crimes he committed.”

Walz: Make no mistake, violent crime was up under Donald Trump…. That’s not even counting the crimes he committed pic.twitter.com/SIhPdq0DCF

— Acyn (@Acyn) August 6, 2024

But Walz, as a number of critics pointed out earlier that day, was in charge of Minnesota when rioters burned half of Minneapolis to the ground after George Floyd died in police custody — and Harris, for her part, helped raise bail money for the perpetrators.

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Walz then argued in defense of abortion by claiming that Minnesota stood for the right to privacy: “In Minnesota, we respect our neighbors and their personal choices that they make. Even if we wouldn’t make the same choice for ourselves, there’s a golden rule, mind your own damn business.”

Walz: In Minnesota we respect our neighbors and their personal choices that they make. Even if we wouldn’t make the same choice for ourselves, there’s a golden rule, mind your own damn business. pic.twitter.com/TRQNlbySlE

— Acyn (@Acyn) August 6, 2024

But it was also Walz, during the COVID pandemic, who called on Minnesotans to rat out their neighbors if they dared to venture outside during quarantine or refuse to put on a face mask.

“Mind your own damn business” says Walz, who literally created a snitch line to tell on people who went outside or didn’t have face masks during COVID.

— Dana Loesch (@DLoesch) August 6, 2024

Walz went on to say that he’d be happy to debate Vance — “That is, if he’s willing to get off the couch and show up … see what I did there?”

“The JD Vance couch thing is a totally invented and arguably slanderous s***post and I’m gobsmacked that the guy I’ve been hearing all day is Mr. Midwest Decency would pull it out at his introductory rally,” The Bulwark’s Andrew Egger noted.

The JD Vance couch thing is a totally invented and arguably slanderous shitpost and I’m gobsmacked that the guy I’ve been hearing all day is Mr. Midwest Decency would pull it out at his introductory rally https://t.co/5MFJul2sZx

— Andrew Egger (@EggerDC) August 6, 2024

Walz’s “joke” referenced a vulgar but debunked X post about Vance and a couch, and got a smile and a raised eyebrow from Harris.

Jessica Simpson hit back at a claim she’s started drinking after she wrote a post on social media celebrating her son’s birthday following nearly six years of sobriety.

On Monday, the 44-year-old singer posted a picture on Instagram of her son on his 11th birthday and wrote, “I’m gonna be a braggin’ Mom for a moment and just say that I have the kindest, most handsome 11yr old son on the planet.”

“Fun fact: we both find lucky pennies randomly every other week and use them to WIN my scratchers together,” she added. “Mama loves you Ace Knute Johnson- OH SO VERY MUCH!!!”

In the comments, someone responded in all caps, “Stop Drinking.” Simpson saw the comment and made it clear nothing could be further from the truth, People magazine reported.

“I haven’t wanted or touched alcohol since October 2017 and it has been the best decision I’ve made for myself and for my family,” Simpson wrote.

“Thank you for your concern, but you have me very misunderstood,” she added. “Sending love your way.”

The person who made the comment apologized and backtracked for what they said, the outlet noted.

The superstar singer has been very open about her personal struggles with everything from weight loss to sobriety, as noted in her 2020 memoir “Open Book.”

In November 2021, the “Sweetest Sin” hitmaker celebrated her four years of sobriety with an image she posted on Instagram, the day she said she would allow herself “to take back” her “light.”

“This person in the early morning of Nov 1, 2017 is an unrecognizable version of myself,” she captioned the post of the candid image. “I had so much self discovery to unlock and explore. I knew in this very moment I would allow myself to take back my light, show victory over my internal battle of self respect, and brave this world with piercing clarity.”

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“Personally, to do this I needed to stop drinking alcohol because it kept my mind and heart circling in the same direction and quite honestly I was exhausted,” she added. “I wanted to feel the pain so I could carry it like a badge of honor. I wanted to live as a leader does and break cycles to advance forward- never looking back with regret and remorse over any choice I have made and would make for the rest of my time here within this beautiful world.”

“I can’t believe it has been 4yrs!” Simpson continued. “It feels like maybe 2. I think that is a good thing. Ha. There is so much stigma around the word alcoholism or the label of an alcoholic. The real work that needed to be done in my life was to actually accept failure, pain, brokenness, and self sabotage. The drinking wasn’t the issue. I was.”

She concluded her post, noting that she didn’t “respect my own power” nor “love” herself, but said she now does. “I am wildly honest and comfortably open. I am free.”

Related: Jessica Simpson Celebrates Huge Weight-Loss Milestone