The Biden-Harris Administration canceled a stunning plea deal that was signed this week with the terrorists who were responsible for the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks on the United States — and relieved the senior U.S. official who offered the deal.

Retired Brig. Gen. Susan K. Escallier, who was responsible for overseeing the war court case at Guantánamo Bay, was relieved from her position by Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin after her team entered into pretrial agreements with 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Walid Muhammad Salih Mubarak Bin ‘Attash, and Mustafa Ahmed Adam al Hawsawi.

The deal allowed the terrorists to escape the death penalty in-exchange for them pleading guilty to the murder of 2,976 people and serving sentences of at most life in prison.

By removing Escallier, Austin assumed authority over the case and immediately canceled the agreement, meaning the death penalty is back on the table, following days of public backlash against the Biden-Harris Administraiton.

“Effective immediately, in the exercise of my authority, I hereby withdraw from the three pretrial agreements that you signed on July 31, 2024,” Austin said.

Top U.S. lawmakers slammed the Biden-Harris Administration for the plea deal, including Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA).

McConnell said the plea deal was “a revolting abdication of the government’s responsibility to defend America and provide justice.”

“The Biden-Harris Administration’s weakness in the face of sworn enemies of the American people apparently knows no bounds,” McConnell said. “The only thing worse than negotiating with terrorists is negotiating with them after they are in custody. The families of their victims and the American people deserve real justice. In the same week that Israel eliminated some of Iran’s most trusted terrorist proxies, the Administration’s decision to spare these mass-murderers from the death penalty is an especially bitter pill.”

“Meanwhile, the Biden-Harris Administration still seeks to release other Guantanamo terrorists back into the world,” he concluded. “The Administration’s cowardice in the face of terror is a national disgrace.”

“23 years ago, America watched in horror as thousands of innocent Americans died,” he continued. “America mourned for weeks afterwards as first responders sifted through the ashes at Ground Zero, at the Pentagon, and at the crash site in Shanksville. For more than two decades, the families of those murdered by these terrorists have waited for justice. This plea deal is a slap in the face of those families. They deserved better from the Biden-Harris Administration.”

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) said that the plea deal made it “a very, very good week, if you happen to be a terrorist.”

“If you happen to be someone who wants to murder Americans, this has been a phenomenal week because Joe Biden and Kamala Harris just gave a gift to Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, they agreed to take the death penalty off the table and spare his life,” Cruz said. “It’s an absolute outrage. It’s an insult to the families of all of those who were murdered on 9/11.”

Flaming spokes-queer for the Olympics Thomas Jolly has issued an apology for an opening ceremony display in which drag queens ridiculed Leonardo Da Vinci’s famous depiction of Jesus Christ’s Last Supper. Jolly, who is gay, which also means jolly, who is totally gay, said in his apology, “I want to sincerely apologize to any far-right turds who are still stupid enough to believe in God and therefore may have felt all grumpy and offended when we spit on everything they hold dear. By way of making amends, let me explain to you ignorant buffoons that the drag queen imitation of the Last Supper was not a drag queen imitation of the Last Supper but instead was a tribute to the Greek god of wine Dionysus and was simply meant as a celebration of the fact of our being alive because we had drag queens imitate the Last Supper, instead of mocking Muslims who would have stopped us from being alive by throwing us off a roof.” 

Flaming spokes-queer gay Jolly later amended his apology to say, “Okay, it had nothing to do with Dionysus and we were mocking the Last Supper but it was still a celebration of being alive because we were too chicken to mock Muslims.” 

Now on a personal note, it may be true that some touchy, small-minded Christians were put out by having one of the most solemn moments in a faith centered on truth and morality ridiculed by a bunch of men in falsies and lipstick interrupting a life of self-degradation and the corruption of children in order to pervert a magnificent Christian work of art by turning it from a thing of beauty into a barely watchable display of homosexual narcissism, however I take a broader view. 

When it comes to the Olympics, I know that dedicated young people have worked their hearts out with uncanny discipline and commitment in order to perform stunning feats of athletics that absolutely no one cares about. For two weeks, all over the world, people gaze in amazement at their television sets and think, “Is there really nothing more interesting on? Like reruns of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” or “Australia’s Naughtiest Videos.” And of course, I’m generalizing here, so please don’t write in and say you’re offended. Obviously, beach volleyball can be tolerable if the girls are really built. And “Australia’s Naughtiest Videos” actually had some good episodes too.

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But for those of us who have standards or good taste or are sentient, the Olympics is like watching paint dry after it’s done a bunch of somersaults on the parallel bars and a group of corrupt foreigners hold up signs giving it a completely arbitrary score before awarding their country a gold medal for best drying paint. 

And normally I and other people with sex lives don’t think about the Olympics at all except to wish that it was over because that would mean it’s almost football season. But all that changed this year, because of flaming spokes-queer gay Jolly’s mockery of a religion he won’t be able to comprehend until he stands before the throne of God wondering if the old Dionysus excuse will get him out of the eternal punishment he so richly deserves. But now, I can not watch the Olympics with a real sense of accomplishment. Instead of simply taking a walk or maybe reading a book to learn more about the brilliant artistry and symbolism of Da Vinci’s masterpiece so I can understand just how beautiful a work flaming gay Jolly was mocking when he managed to mix shallowness with cowardice by simultaneously snickering at the God who loves him while kowtowing to the God who would happily toss him off a roof…

Where was I going with this sentence?

Oh yeah, instead of just ignoring the whole thing by not watching it, I can not watch it with a new purpose and gusto, feeling that my natural unwillingness to be bored to death by people doing somersaults for some reason has been given fresh meaning by my deep desire to tell flaming gay Jolly that it would have been much better if he had actually participated in this year’s Olympic events by taking a flying jump.

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Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, “The House of Love and Death,” is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan

This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.”

The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

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