Inside the gray area between dating and relationships — also known as “situationships” — lives one underlying question: “Why won’t you commit to me?”
When it comes to relationships and commitment, I keep the same opinion: Don’t waste your time, and don’t waste other people’s time. That’s the bottom line. Have respect for yourself and respect enough for the other person you’re dating — and cut them loose when you know it’s time.
In today’s day and age, the definition of “dating” has gotten completely skewed. Once upon a time, dating meant courting and getting to know each other. Being physical was not part of the process because people were focused on finding out if the other person was someone they would possibly want to enter into a relationship with. Now, people just throw around the word “dating” like it means nothing. Plus, there are different levels of dating, like dating “casually” versus dating “seriously.” But couples who say they are only “casually dating” are often already being physically intimate, long before deciding to be in a relationship. It’s all very convoluted.
Then, there are situationships. Situationships, in my opinion, are the worst things to have ever happened to the dating landscape because they cannot even be considered casually dating; that’s why there’s an entirely different label for them. Two people getting to know each other does not qualify as a situationship; a long-term relationship without the commitment does. It sounds awful. Friends with benefits and situationships are just heartaches waiting to happen. They are stressful because of the constant agony of not knowing where you stand with your potential significant other.
WATCH: The Comments Section with Brett Cooper
If you don’t know if the other person is seeing or hooking up with anyone else, you’re likely unbelievably paranoid about it. That would be incredibly stressful. Because the reality is, you are going to feel insecure when the person you’re dating has not committed to you. Whether you have not asked for it or they have not given it, there is a simple fix to that: Commit. Basing your relationship status on your own expectations and impressions, of course, will not work. You have to communicate with the person you’re dating. Have the difficult conversation — although, it shouldn’t even be difficult if you’ve been seeing each other for a while.
Some couples allow this gray area to persist for years. They may not be talking to or seeing anyone else, but they also haven’t committed to each other. They are only “sort of” committing to each other. But why aren’t they? Is it because culture is telling them that they shouldn’t commit to each other? That commitment is an arm of the patriarchy? If so, they should absolutely ignore that and be together because, otherwise, they are both wasting precious years of their lives. Plus, the woman is wasting her child bearing years on someone who is not committing to her.
Commitment is actually a wonderful thing. There is a sense of relief and a calmness that comes with knowing you have a solid foundation in your life. Coming home to someone you love is a life-giving part of life. You don’t worry about them sticking around or dating someone else — unless you’re dating a scumbag. A committed, significant other inspires, comforts, and supports you.
The worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is waste your time and your energy. You can create new experiences, earn more money, take a new job, and even make a new start, but you can never get time back. You can never get the energy that you spent wasted on a noncommittal pseudo-significant other back. Breakups are awful, obviously, and because people like companionship, they tend to stay in these messy situations because they think it’s easier than being alone.
But have some self-respect. Know that you are worth more than the anxiety that comes from this.
